Green Drops Out Of Race

Green Bay - In a shocking turn of events, Mark Green announced today that he was withdrawing from the race for Wisconsin Governor. The Republican Party of Wisconsin has given no indication of offering a different opponent, giving Doyle a free ride to his second term as Governor of Wisconsin.

When Governor Doyle took office, he inherited over 15 years of fiscal mismanagement from Republican governors. Wisconsin was a "tax hell" with one of the highest tax rates in the country while racking up an all-time-record $3.2 Billion budget deficit.

In his three years as governor, Doyle has:

• continually lowered the budget deficit without raising taxes
• held property tax increases to a lower rate than GOP proposals
• continually lowered the overall tax burden every single year in office
• prevented drastic cuts to prisons, schools and UW

The Republican Party of Wisconsin, however, recently learned that Wisconsin still has a budget deficit, is still above average on tax burdens despite the positive trend, and still has a few more difficult budgets ahead.

"It turns out," said Rick Graber, "that we screwed things up so damn bad, it's going to take Doyle another term to get everything straightened out."

With an expected $1.6 Billion deficit, Doyle has cut the shortfall in half over two budgets. At this rate, it is expected to be completely eliminated after passage of the 2009-2011 biennium budget, just in time for the next Republican Gubernatorial winner of the 2010 election.

"Apparently we were little too quick to jump on him," noted Green. "Another four years of tough budget cuts should finally be enough for Doyle to get things straightened up and in order... then we can help him fall on his own sword. Besides, I sure as hell don't want to write a budget starting with a $1.6 Billion deficit, are you crazy?"

GOP strategists agree that a Republican governorship should only be implemented when the state is back "in the black." It is also expected to make the campaign easier the next cycle. In another four years GOP strategists will have twice as many tough decisions Doyle had to make that they can hammer him for.

Green concluded: "It would just be more fun to be Governor and not have to make any tough decisions. I'd rather let Doyle clean up our mess and then we'll hammer him for all the decisions he made while fixing things.

An Inconvenient Truth?

I don't know what this crazy guy is talkign about, the truth is never inconvenient for the right. He's just still bitter, I mean, why else would he do this?

(click the poster)

Troops Actually Come Home After Referendum Passes With Record Turnout

Madison - Across the state and throughout the country on Tuesday, voters turned out in droves for the oft overlooked spring election. From school boards to county boards, there were the usual string of electoral decisions to be made in the polling booth. This year, however, many areas featured a new and unusual ballot measure regarding our soldiers at war in Iraq.

A Major Issue?

The question on Madison's ballots simply stated: "Should the United States bring all military personnel home from Iraq now?" Similar questions appeared on ballots across the state and throughout the U.S.

Leading up to this election, both the blogosphere and the right-wing media have just erupted over this seemingly simple question. It appears, however, that their hype was duly appropriate, as turnout for the election topped 87% of registered voters. Not only was this a record for a spring election, but a record for any election.

"I think the record turnout vindicates what some people have called 'too much time' spent on the subject by bloggers and the media," said one right-wing blogger.

Serious Consequences?

During the intense spotlight of the blogosphere, much discussion focused on the message the referendum would be sending our troops. Several bloggers worried that if it passed, it would demoralize the troops already serving in Iraq. Supporters of the referendum rebuke that it is targeted as a message to the Bush Administration and that it should have no effect on the troops.

"It's just a referendum, man," said one twenty-something gentleman sporting blond-haired dreadlocks. "It's not like the City of Madison has anything to do with bringing troops home anyway."

"I mean, we support our troops, we just don't support this war," added the first gentleman's' hetero-life-mate.

But with the referendum passing with a 68% super-majority, it appears as though the outcry from right-wing bloggers has again been justified.

Immediate Results

It was only a matter of hours before news of the referenda results reached U.S. soldiers in Iraq. Interrupting their normally peaceful day of eating lollipops and playing tiddlywinks, moral quickly began to decline.

"We had just finished the squidge-off when the news came through," said one soldier. "On the very first play Johnson had one of his winks squopped by Roberts... and he threw the table across the room!"

Soon thereafter soldiers just began to throw down their weapons, commandeer the military aircraft, and fly back toward the United States. By the end of the day it was estimated that 93% of the U.S. military presence in Iraq had just decided to up and leave.

The result has been devastating to the Iraqi people. After over three years of strong support for the American presence, many Iraqis miss the American soldiers. Worse yet, the short and straight road to an Iraqi democracy looks to be in danger. Without the U.S. Army's superior control of the Iraqi insurgency, the country has now begun to slip into chaos and what some people are starting to call civil war. The sign at the center of Baghdad reading "937 Days Without a Car Bomb" was destroyed this morning by a car bomb in a devastatingly symbolic act.

"If only the Americans were still here," said one Iraqi. "Then we would have peace and a stable government."

"I tried to warn everyone," opined one blogger.