Streamlined Constitutional UW Admissions

Madison - The State Legislature finally stepped up to the plate today, for the first time effecting a plan in response to action by the UW-System instead of just complaining. In the face of crazy liberal ideas, Assembly Republican Leadership has found a way to resolve the controversy surrounding the recent changes to the UW admissions process.

A Streamlined Constitutional UW Admissions (Screw Admissions) Amendment has rushed through the Legislature, writing into the constitution a limit of 4 questions that may be asked on a UW admissions application:

• Name
• Address
• GPA
• ACT/SAT

All other factors are now constitutionally barred from consideration when reviewing an applicant's file. GOP Leadership felt the quickest way to solve the UW crisis was to stick to what they do best: make a one-size-fits-all constitutional amendment to change things to their liking.

Further streamlining admissions and preventing any and all future controversy, the Admissions Departments at all UW schools have been eliminated and all applications this fall will be reviewed by the Assembly Republican Caucus. State Representative Steve Nass will assume the role of System-wide UW Admissions Overlord.

Max Power has been able to obtain a sneak peak at the upcoming application for UW-Madison this fall: