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Thursday, February 09, 2006

TABOR to be renamed

Screw the Voter!Madison - Republicans have recently come to realize that the Orwellian naming of the "Taxpayers' Bill of Rights" was not working. In response, they have recently renamed their proposal the "Screw the Voter to Help Republicans and Corporations Amendment," or SVHRCA for short.

"Our party was really split," said Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz. "TABOR had become a dirty word ever since Colorado was dumb enough to actually enact it, so we knew there had to be a better name for the proposal. We put our best and brightest minds together and came up with the catchy name of Screw the Voter to Help Republicans and Corporations Amendment."

Schultz is referring to a deep divide within the Republican party, formed over the purpose of the Amendment Formerly Known as TABOR. Fortunately, leadership was able to create a simple name that incorporated both sides of the issue.

A significant number of Republicans favored the idea of taking a tax structure that places an overwhelming burden on individuals and not corporations, and then locking this unfair structure into the constitution so it could never be changed. This is expected to create a great deal of appreciation amongst the business lobby who will forever get to avoid any meaningful and fair burden of taxes. This appreciation will be exemplified through an endless stream of campaign donations to Republican Legislators who support the proposal. This group was seeking to call this the Screw the Voter to Help Corporations Amendment.

Almost There... Ha!Another large group of Republicans favored the idea of simply having an idea about what to do regarding the perception that taxes are high for Wisconsin citizens. A growing number of Republicans have feared that the general populace might catch on to the fact that their taxes are so high because they keep passing the burden onto their shoulders through endless tax breaks for corporations. Their solution was to have a perpetual idea of something that sounded like it would solve something, when in fact it would never actually pass. The Republicans could continue to screw the tax payer, give tax breaks to corporations, all while having a great catchy slogan for campaigning every two years. In this case, the group was seeking to call this the Screw the Voter to Help Republicans Amendment.

"The beauty of both viewpoints," continued Schultz, "is that, either way, the voters get screwed because whether or not this passes they will never actually see any real tax relief. If it passes, we get the thanks and praise of corporations while the voters just get locked into this system that screws them; and if it doesn't pass, we get a great campaign piece while we don't actually do anything to help them with their tax burden. The circular logic is beautiful... 'we must pass tax breaks for businesses for the purpose of job creation to help lower taxes,' when all these tax breaks just increase the burden on our citizenry."

Whatever the result, there seems to be a consensus among Republicans that either way, this proposal will screw the taxpayer. Because of this, the amendment has quickly picked up an abbreviated name amongst Capitol insiders: Screw the Voter.


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