GOP Restructuring

GOP to Become Dems

With the concealed carry vote over, Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz released his legislative agenda for the remainder of the session. The focus will be on typical democratic agenda items like healthcare and energy assistance.

As with the start of every even year, Republicans are quick to dispose of their trademark legislation covering God, guns and gays so that they can appeal to the regular residents of Wisconsin who are struggling with both healthcare and utility bills.

"I really hate doing this," said Schultz. "Every two goddamned years we have to drop everything and act like caring democrats so we can get reelected come November. If only we could stop blacks and poor people from voting, we wouldn't have to do this."

Brief Hiatus

A brief hiatus from pretending to be democrats is expected sometime in May, when the legislature will pass a constitutional amendment to ban gays from eating ice cream. The second consideration of such proposal, the amendment will then appear on the November ballots.

"That will be the one highlight of the remaining legislative session," said Schultz excitedly. "That will be a fun week or two... gettin' to be a right wing republican again! I hope some of them gays show up at the capitol so I can spit in their face."

After June 1st the GOP will slither back to their respective districts so they can begin their favorite part of work: campaigning.