Republican LTE Actually Working of Own Free Will

Madison - In a shocking revelation to the Capitol's insider politicos, Matt Smith, an LTE in Senate Majority Leader Dale Schultz's office, revealed that he is in fact working for Schultz under his own free will. Political observers outside the building had previously been under the impression that all Republican staffers had in fact sold their soul to the devil for the jobs after countless failed attempts on their respective parts to land any job upon graduating from college.

"I'm shocked," said Forbes McIntosh. "I never would have thought someone would willingly subject themselves to the soul-crushing duties of working for the Republican Party unless they had no soul."

Between preventing minorities from voting, stopping women from taking the pill, allowing pharmacists to lie to people, bigotted hate-mongering of gays to compensate for their own sexual confusion, and allowing doctors to be above the law without reproach even if it lead to the death of a woman; no one actually expected to find an individual that could have any interest, pride or civic duty in the ranks of Republican staffers.

When asked about the possibility of a growing trend that could threaten his business of soul-trading, the devil's secretary said he was not concerned but would not be available for further comment until he returned from his golf trip with Tom DeLay.