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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Doyle Unveils Project HUG in State of the State

Governor Doyle Unveiling Project H.U.G.Madison - As part of tonight's State of the State, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle unveiled a bold new initiative, Project Humongously Unselfish Gift, otherwise known as Project HUG. Under this ambitious Project, Governor Doyle has created the Department of Good Feelings (DGF) which will be tasked with the responsibility of offering free hugs to every Wisconsin resident under 350% of the federal poverty level.

The collective gasp from the crowd at the announcement was only surpassed when Doyle followed with news that UW-Madison, using the latest in stem-cell technology, had brought Mr. Rogers back to life and he would be heading up DGF as the Department's Secretary.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
"It's a good day in Wisconsin neighborhoods," said Mr. Rogers, after confidently joining Doyle at the podium. He then added, "Who needs a hug?"

Assembly Majority Leader Mike Huebsch was quick to denounce the plan as "another Welfare mom handout." When asked if he knew the cost of giving free hugs to an estimated 3.7 million residents under 350% FPL, Huebsch responded that he did not think it mattered.

"Regardless of the cost, this is just another taxpayer giveaway," said Huebsch. "We do not need another cog in this state's bureaucracy, and certainly not one in the business of giving away free hugs."

Frank 'shake and bake' LaseeRepresentative Lasee, lead author of TABOR and recent Mexico-vacation-returnee, noted that under his proposal this type of reckless government expansion would be prevented.

"TABOR would restrict free hugs in Wisconsin to no more than the previous year's, plus the rate of growth in kindness over a rolling three-year average," stated Lasee. "To see the explosion in free hugs like we will under Project HUG is just another example why we need restrictions in place that prevent politicians like myself from making any meaningful decisions."

When asked after his speech about the Republican outcry, Doyle simply suggested that they take a trip to Mr. Roger's neighborhood before jumping to any conclusions.

Assembly Speaker John Gard was questioned on the announcement but he quickly turned away, head down and whimpering, apparently mumbling something about his mother never hugging him.


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